Take Your Campaign & Shove It

So this girl for "[Your State Here] Campaign for the Environment" knocks on the door, and then rings the bell when I don't answer soon enough, and asks if I have a minute to talk about the natural gas drilling that's going on in our area. I tell her no, because the dog is barking like crazy, it's 8:45pm and my baby's asleep in the other room. She's adamant enough that she volunteers to let the dog sniff her and to be quick. I reluctantly give in.

She gives me her 2 minute spiel about what's going on, yada yada and what they're trying to do. I think she's cutting to the chase, but the dog is starting to bark again and I'm getting frustrated. So I ask her what she's looking for. The answer? Donations and letters to the City Council. I tell her that, honestly, this is actually something I HAVE read something about, and that if she needs my signature on a petition that I'm happy to do so, but that's about the extent of what I'm willing to do because I'm just not that passionate about it. I could tell she was frustrated at my bluntness; she handed me a flyer to read, said that then maybe I'd get motivated to act and went to knock on the door of our 70yo neighbor.

I understand that this is an issue I should probably be more passionate about, but I'm just not. I'm not apologetic about it either. The last thing I need right now is to join some committee and pledge $20 so that I can get one more email that I'm not going to read.

So this is my call to the City Council from the podium that I don't have. You guys need to listen to these people who are clearly passionate about something that you're not. You probably care about this issue as much as I do and the only difference is that you're probably taking money from these gas companies too. So get your act together and do the right thing so that I don't have passionate, hemp-wearing college students knocking on my door after dark. We're all gonna die anyway.

That's right. I said it.

The Rise & Fall of Vic Mackey

[WARNING: Spoilers Everywhere.]


This is a show I started watching before season 5, so I am a late-comer. However, in that short time I've become as passionate a fan as one can get. Last night was the series finale. I've got so many thoughts & emotions on the show that it's probably going to be impossible to consolidate them, but here's a preliminary shot anyway:

The kid implicating Dutch as his mom's murderer was the last thing I expected and the perfect way to go. I loved the irony that Dutch's fate was initially placed in Billings' hands. Dutch almost seemed content to let the guy go down in flames despite needing his help. I was a little surprised to see Dutch revise his statement instead of just retracting it altogether. It's been nice to see the Dutch/Claudette reunion over the end of season 7.

I don't know what to say about Claudette. That poor woman doesn't seem to have much good coming to her. I certainly appreciated the final squeeze she put on Mackey with the suicide letter, the photos and arresting Ronnie. I hope she felt some satisfaction in seeing the way Vic ended up. She doesn't have a lot of energy left to be focusing it on the fact he's 'getting off' right now.

I felt bad for Ronnie, but only because he had the rug completely yanked out from under him. Not at all because I wanted him to run or get away with anything. This episode was the most expressive we've ever seen Ronnie. Never have we seen Ronnie so happy (the Beltran bust), which really seemed to intensify his anger. Not even when/before Armadillo burned half his face off do I recall David Rees Snell having this strong a reaction.

I'm also not sure what to make of Corrinne and the kids. Did Cassidy's relationship with her dad begin "improving" when her mom told her that she was trying to get rid of Vic? It seemed that Corrinne still couldn't really forgive herself for selling him out. Either that, or she was still very terrified. Could it be that she cut the federal agent short because she didn't plan on ever really leaving the house? If so, what a miserable existence.I guess you can only sleep with the devil (literally and figuratively) so much before you pay a price, regardless of your own guilt or innocence.

The Vendrell murder-suicide was both expected and shocking. Over the last couple weeks they had really shown the futility and hopelessness sink in. I was not surprised to see Shane appearing more and more in public or offering to turn himself in. In the moment that he returned home I had a feeling he was about to take his own life. I really didn't expect Mara's though. I loved his letter. It was as though Shawn Ryan was speaking his mind directly to the viewer. I totally forgave Shane in the end because I felt he was the first to become honest with himself. It felt miserable watching him be who he could have (loving family man) had he not met Vic Mackey.

Vic.
Wow. I should have seen that coming but I never did. They truly found a way to appease ALL Shield fans. Those who wanted him to get away with his sins, as well as those who wanted him to pay. We were all happy and disgusted at once. I truly didn't know what I wanted to happen and somehow Shawn Ryan knew what I needed. The Perfect Storm of Vic's demise was incredible. He alienated/killed all of his friends, is officially known as a dirty cop, lost his family and is stuck wearing a suit in a cubicle doing menial grunt work... typing memo's, not even talking to agents. For a guy who's made his living talking to people this has got to be the worst way to go. Even moreso than prison.

I also thought it was great that Vic was taken down by two women. He spent the better part of this series objectifying more woman than Wilt Chamberlain. I could have sworn he was going to take Olivia Murray to bed right up until his confession. Now I know why he never did. She HAD to be the one to make his career a living hell. Claudette put away Vic's personal life with everything in her power. Between these two women, they single-handedly made Vic Mackey pay for every time he's misused, mistreated abused or objectified a hooker, a coworker, his wife, you name it.

I'm not sure where Mackey will end up in 3 years or even 3 days. It was pretty telling that they told him to go home, change clothes and leave his gun... but he never could bring himself to part with the gun. I wondered for a second if he might even kill himself as well. Then I realized that wasn't the Vic Mackey way. No matter how many times he found himself cornered, Vic always had a way out. The final look on his face almost seemed to imply that he was already on his way to helping himself forget what he'd done. A new chapter is being written in Vic Mackey's life, but nothing tells me it will be an ounce different than the last chapter. Vic Mackey will always see himself as larger than life and that will be the thing that ultimately does him in. Yes, at the moment his life is a living misery, but it WILL get worse. Vic will not take his free pass and turn a new leaf. We've already seen that in the simple fact that he's still carrying his gun.

What an incredible show. I've never seen anything like it. I will truly mourn the passing of this show, but I'm so thankful that they never had an episode where intensity lacked or they sold themselves short. I'm excited to see where Walt Goggins, Michael Chiklis, Michael Jace, CCH Pounder and Jay Karnes end up. Watching this series in its entirety almost makes me want to go rent The Commish as a compare/contrast. I remember loving it as a kid, but wonder how I'd respond to seeing Chiklis in that role now.

Much like Vic Mackey, I have no idea what to do with myself now. I imagine I'll retreat back to The Office, Lost and Family Guy, but I don't know how any of them will fill the void that's just been opened up.

Update 02/24/11: Never got back into Family Guy, I finished out Lost and I bailed on The Office towards the end of last season. Currently, the only show I keep up with is Glee. Glee is not a legit substitute.

Who's Patronizing These?

I just saw ad on Youtube for this movie. Didn't we just rush Meet The Spartans through to VHS? There's really a market for 2 spoofs in a summer? I remember going to see Dude, Where's My Car? in the theater, thinking it was terrible and trying to wash it down with a rental of Scary Movie. Who knew that movie would spin off 3 sequels and all these annual dollar-theater-dwellers. I guess there's some kind of market for these things:

7/7/00 - Scary Movie - $157,019,771
10/24/03 - Scary Movie 3 - $110,003,217
4/14/06 - Scary Movie 4 - $90,710,620
7/4/01 - Scary Movie 2 - $71,308,997
2/17/06 - Date Movie - $48,548,426
1/26/07 - Epic Movie - $39,739,367
12/14/01 - Not Another Teen Movie - $38,252,284
1/25/08 - Meet the Spartans - $38,233,676

In researching this post, I discovered another movie coming out in 2008 called Extreme Movie that is going straight to video. I've got to be honest. I never saw any of these other movies because they looked terrible. Absolutely horrible. But much like Family Guy will drive a joke into the ground until it's funny, I'm starting to wonder if I should go watch one of these. The idea that they keep releasing these movies is becoming increasingly funny to me. I think they know the parodies are parodies of themselves now.

Getting into the Homerun Race

Carrot Top is the headlining act at the Luxor hotel in Vegas these days. To be honest, I thought he had died or something. I got a call 7 years ago asking if I wanted to book him for a comedy show but turned it down. Doesn't he just cut carrots in half with a machete? What's so great about that? I could stick my mom up there and she could do it blindfolded. Anyway, it appears that when Carrot realized he wasn't funny anymore, he got involved with Human Growth Hormone and Billy Blanks. When I saw this picture of the guy I laughed, so I guess we can call this one a success. The only thing left yet to do is get this guy registered in some UFC fights. I bet he'd make a killing do something like that.

Google Knol

Google has developed a "supplement" to Wikipedia. Knol is an online encyclopedia featuring articles written by exposed authors. The advantages to using Knol are two-fold. First, you know who the author of each article is and can judge their credibility accordingly. Secondly, authors can opt to receive proceeds from relevant ads placed within their article. However, like Wikipedia:

Google doesn't intend to screen the submissions for accuracy, Dupont said, and instead will rely on its search formulas to highlight the articles that readers believe are credible.

Yeah, good idea. One Knol article I saw was about the "The Decline of Women in Computer Science". I can't wait to see how well this idea works when somebody submits a comedic piece on the same subject. Which article do you think will get more hits?

The War on SUV's

White people are divided on this "war in Iraq" business. My next door neighbor was some sort of district coordinator in the Obama campaign and is heavily against the war. His next door neighbor is a gun-wielding conservative that only cares about defending our country, retribution and gays not having rights. HIS next door neighbor is a couple of lesbians. I don't know what they think about the war, but you should know these aren't the kind of lesbians you should care about.

I'm only now beginning to get over the tired-head associated with "war" talk on the news or radio. Politics seem so boring and futile. I guess my change of heart is probably rooted in these soaring gas and milk prices. Have you tried buying a gallon of milk lately? Crap. How does a war about oil affect cows? I don't know, but it does.

Anyway, I saw this interesting statistic today from Scott Burns:

The [war in Iraq], alone, is now clocking past $560 billion. That’s enough to manufacture and put in service over 22 million new fuel-efficient hybrid automobiles and dent the supply/demand balance for energy from the Middle East.

I don't know if 22 million people would have the money, or be willing to spend it on a brand new hybrid, but I thought this stat was pretty fascinating. If this war's still about the terror then I wonder if it'd be cheaper to build a bio-dome over America and put Pauly Shore in charge of homeland security.

Retire In Peace, Terry Glenn

So this is how it ends. Terry Glenn has not had a sparkling career by any stretch of the imagination, but I bet he didn't plan on it ending like this. I remember reading about his decision to have surgery on that knee last year. I still don't know what the hell is wrong. From what I understand he had the opportunity to have a quick-fix surgery and be back in time for the Cowboys Super Bowl run (fat chance if you asked me) or he could do it right and get the (I think) microfracture surgery that guys like Greg Oden and Amare Stoudamire underwent. I think the recovery on this is about 16-18 months as opposed to the 6 months of an ACL tear. My buddy had to do the microfracture thing, and that's what he told me, so I'm pretty much an expert.

Anyway, they told Terry that if he did the quick-fix he would not be able to walk without a distinct limp as early as his 50's. I won't say I prayed for him not to do the quick fix - there are bigger things worth praying about - but I was really hoping he'd consider his future quality of life. Well he didn't. That, or he didn't care. Either way he came back and did absolutely nothing for the Cowboys in their playoff loss to the Giants, probably made his knee worse, will still be mostly crippled and nobody will care. That's right, Terry. I guess you haven't heard about the Gridiron Greats. They're lead by Mike Ditka and nobody cares about them either.

Welcome to the real world, Terry. It's cold and it sucks.