Dear sir or madam,
I am blown away by the fact that you stole my technical running shirt and skullcap from me this morning. I realize that I didn't do a very good job of hiding it. I carelessly tossed them under my drivers side tire after my 15 mile run. I suppose you absconded with them not too shortly after that, because I walked about 200 yards away on the other side of the bath house to get some water, chat with some folks and stretch a bit. I was probably away from my car for about 20 minutes, leaving you ample time to plot your crime and get away route. And I am quite impressed by the boldness of your actions, as there were people everywhere in that area. I also must applaud your ability to start your criminal activities at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday. You don't see alot of ambitious, early risers in the petty theft crowd. And the fact that you took my nasty, sweaty shirt and skullcap tells me alot about your present situation in life. Heck, I'd have given them to you if you had really need them. I might even have loaned you a couple bucks if you'd have asked nicely. Despite the fact that my car was locked up, I do appreciate the fact that you didn't do anything to it.
All in all, it was actually a good laugh for me. You obviously needed that shirt and skullcap more than me. I hope they don't chafe you. And for the love of God, DON'T put them in the dryer! Oh, karma will rear her ugly head if you mishandle those garments. At any rate, best of luck with your new clothes, and perhaps the perspiration on them will inspire you to take up running and maybe even join a marathon training program. If you do, can I borrow your skullcap?
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