The Rise & Fall of Vic Mackey

[WARNING: Spoilers Everywhere.]


This is a show I started watching before season 5, so I am a late-comer. However, in that short time I've become as passionate a fan as one can get. Last night was the series finale. I've got so many thoughts & emotions on the show that it's probably going to be impossible to consolidate them, but here's a preliminary shot anyway:

The kid implicating Dutch as his mom's murderer was the last thing I expected and the perfect way to go. I loved the irony that Dutch's fate was initially placed in Billings' hands. Dutch almost seemed content to let the guy go down in flames despite needing his help. I was a little surprised to see Dutch revise his statement instead of just retracting it altogether. It's been nice to see the Dutch/Claudette reunion over the end of season 7.

I don't know what to say about Claudette. That poor woman doesn't seem to have much good coming to her. I certainly appreciated the final squeeze she put on Mackey with the suicide letter, the photos and arresting Ronnie. I hope she felt some satisfaction in seeing the way Vic ended up. She doesn't have a lot of energy left to be focusing it on the fact he's 'getting off' right now.

I felt bad for Ronnie, but only because he had the rug completely yanked out from under him. Not at all because I wanted him to run or get away with anything. This episode was the most expressive we've ever seen Ronnie. Never have we seen Ronnie so happy (the Beltran bust), which really seemed to intensify his anger. Not even when/before Armadillo burned half his face off do I recall David Rees Snell having this strong a reaction.

I'm also not sure what to make of Corrinne and the kids. Did Cassidy's relationship with her dad begin "improving" when her mom told her that she was trying to get rid of Vic? It seemed that Corrinne still couldn't really forgive herself for selling him out. Either that, or she was still very terrified. Could it be that she cut the federal agent short because she didn't plan on ever really leaving the house? If so, what a miserable existence.I guess you can only sleep with the devil (literally and figuratively) so much before you pay a price, regardless of your own guilt or innocence.

The Vendrell murder-suicide was both expected and shocking. Over the last couple weeks they had really shown the futility and hopelessness sink in. I was not surprised to see Shane appearing more and more in public or offering to turn himself in. In the moment that he returned home I had a feeling he was about to take his own life. I really didn't expect Mara's though. I loved his letter. It was as though Shawn Ryan was speaking his mind directly to the viewer. I totally forgave Shane in the end because I felt he was the first to become honest with himself. It felt miserable watching him be who he could have (loving family man) had he not met Vic Mackey.

Vic.
Wow. I should have seen that coming but I never did. They truly found a way to appease ALL Shield fans. Those who wanted him to get away with his sins, as well as those who wanted him to pay. We were all happy and disgusted at once. I truly didn't know what I wanted to happen and somehow Shawn Ryan knew what I needed. The Perfect Storm of Vic's demise was incredible. He alienated/killed all of his friends, is officially known as a dirty cop, lost his family and is stuck wearing a suit in a cubicle doing menial grunt work... typing memo's, not even talking to agents. For a guy who's made his living talking to people this has got to be the worst way to go. Even moreso than prison.

I also thought it was great that Vic was taken down by two women. He spent the better part of this series objectifying more woman than Wilt Chamberlain. I could have sworn he was going to take Olivia Murray to bed right up until his confession. Now I know why he never did. She HAD to be the one to make his career a living hell. Claudette put away Vic's personal life with everything in her power. Between these two women, they single-handedly made Vic Mackey pay for every time he's misused, mistreated abused or objectified a hooker, a coworker, his wife, you name it.

I'm not sure where Mackey will end up in 3 years or even 3 days. It was pretty telling that they told him to go home, change clothes and leave his gun... but he never could bring himself to part with the gun. I wondered for a second if he might even kill himself as well. Then I realized that wasn't the Vic Mackey way. No matter how many times he found himself cornered, Vic always had a way out. The final look on his face almost seemed to imply that he was already on his way to helping himself forget what he'd done. A new chapter is being written in Vic Mackey's life, but nothing tells me it will be an ounce different than the last chapter. Vic Mackey will always see himself as larger than life and that will be the thing that ultimately does him in. Yes, at the moment his life is a living misery, but it WILL get worse. Vic will not take his free pass and turn a new leaf. We've already seen that in the simple fact that he's still carrying his gun.

What an incredible show. I've never seen anything like it. I will truly mourn the passing of this show, but I'm so thankful that they never had an episode where intensity lacked or they sold themselves short. I'm excited to see where Walt Goggins, Michael Chiklis, Michael Jace, CCH Pounder and Jay Karnes end up. Watching this series in its entirety almost makes me want to go rent The Commish as a compare/contrast. I remember loving it as a kid, but wonder how I'd respond to seeing Chiklis in that role now.

Much like Vic Mackey, I have no idea what to do with myself now. I imagine I'll retreat back to The Office, Lost and Family Guy, but I don't know how any of them will fill the void that's just been opened up.

Update 02/24/11: Never got back into Family Guy, I finished out Lost and I bailed on The Office towards the end of last season. Currently, the only show I keep up with is Glee. Glee is not a legit substitute.

Who's Patronizing These?

I just saw ad on Youtube for this movie. Didn't we just rush Meet The Spartans through to VHS? There's really a market for 2 spoofs in a summer? I remember going to see Dude, Where's My Car? in the theater, thinking it was terrible and trying to wash it down with a rental of Scary Movie. Who knew that movie would spin off 3 sequels and all these annual dollar-theater-dwellers. I guess there's some kind of market for these things:

7/7/00 - Scary Movie - $157,019,771
10/24/03 - Scary Movie 3 - $110,003,217
4/14/06 - Scary Movie 4 - $90,710,620
7/4/01 - Scary Movie 2 - $71,308,997
2/17/06 - Date Movie - $48,548,426
1/26/07 - Epic Movie - $39,739,367
12/14/01 - Not Another Teen Movie - $38,252,284
1/25/08 - Meet the Spartans - $38,233,676

In researching this post, I discovered another movie coming out in 2008 called Extreme Movie that is going straight to video. I've got to be honest. I never saw any of these other movies because they looked terrible. Absolutely horrible. But much like Family Guy will drive a joke into the ground until it's funny, I'm starting to wonder if I should go watch one of these. The idea that they keep releasing these movies is becoming increasingly funny to me. I think they know the parodies are parodies of themselves now.

Getting into the Homerun Race

Carrot Top is the headlining act at the Luxor hotel in Vegas these days. To be honest, I thought he had died or something. I got a call 7 years ago asking if I wanted to book him for a comedy show but turned it down. Doesn't he just cut carrots in half with a machete? What's so great about that? I could stick my mom up there and she could do it blindfolded. Anyway, it appears that when Carrot realized he wasn't funny anymore, he got involved with Human Growth Hormone and Billy Blanks. When I saw this picture of the guy I laughed, so I guess we can call this one a success. The only thing left yet to do is get this guy registered in some UFC fights. I bet he'd make a killing do something like that.

Google Knol

Google has developed a "supplement" to Wikipedia. Knol is an online encyclopedia featuring articles written by exposed authors. The advantages to using Knol are two-fold. First, you know who the author of each article is and can judge their credibility accordingly. Secondly, authors can opt to receive proceeds from relevant ads placed within their article. However, like Wikipedia:

Google doesn't intend to screen the submissions for accuracy, Dupont said, and instead will rely on its search formulas to highlight the articles that readers believe are credible.

Yeah, good idea. One Knol article I saw was about the "The Decline of Women in Computer Science". I can't wait to see how well this idea works when somebody submits a comedic piece on the same subject. Which article do you think will get more hits?

The War on SUV's

White people are divided on this "war in Iraq" business. My next door neighbor was some sort of district coordinator in the Obama campaign and is heavily against the war. His next door neighbor is a gun-wielding conservative that only cares about defending our country, retribution and gays not having rights. HIS next door neighbor is a couple of lesbians. I don't know what they think about the war, but you should know these aren't the kind of lesbians you should care about.

I'm only now beginning to get over the tired-head associated with "war" talk on the news or radio. Politics seem so boring and futile. I guess my change of heart is probably rooted in these soaring gas and milk prices. Have you tried buying a gallon of milk lately? Crap. How does a war about oil affect cows? I don't know, but it does.

Anyway, I saw this interesting statistic today from Scott Burns:

The [war in Iraq], alone, is now clocking past $560 billion. That’s enough to manufacture and put in service over 22 million new fuel-efficient hybrid automobiles and dent the supply/demand balance for energy from the Middle East.

I don't know if 22 million people would have the money, or be willing to spend it on a brand new hybrid, but I thought this stat was pretty fascinating. If this war's still about the terror then I wonder if it'd be cheaper to build a bio-dome over America and put Pauly Shore in charge of homeland security.

Retire In Peace, Terry Glenn

So this is how it ends. Terry Glenn has not had a sparkling career by any stretch of the imagination, but I bet he didn't plan on it ending like this. I remember reading about his decision to have surgery on that knee last year. I still don't know what the hell is wrong. From what I understand he had the opportunity to have a quick-fix surgery and be back in time for the Cowboys Super Bowl run (fat chance if you asked me) or he could do it right and get the (I think) microfracture surgery that guys like Greg Oden and Amare Stoudamire underwent. I think the recovery on this is about 16-18 months as opposed to the 6 months of an ACL tear. My buddy had to do the microfracture thing, and that's what he told me, so I'm pretty much an expert.

Anyway, they told Terry that if he did the quick-fix he would not be able to walk without a distinct limp as early as his 50's. I won't say I prayed for him not to do the quick fix - there are bigger things worth praying about - but I was really hoping he'd consider his future quality of life. Well he didn't. That, or he didn't care. Either way he came back and did absolutely nothing for the Cowboys in their playoff loss to the Giants, probably made his knee worse, will still be mostly crippled and nobody will care. That's right, Terry. I guess you haven't heard about the Gridiron Greats. They're lead by Mike Ditka and nobody cares about them either.

Welcome to the real world, Terry. It's cold and it sucks.

More on Wangs

I've always thought the road Wang ZhiZhi jersey would be the way to go if I decided to support a particular NBA player. Of course, I would never do this. Those guys get guaranteed contracts and, therefore, don't need my support. I wish I could get an NBA contract. Just one of 'em. For the minimum. Do you know what I could do with $442,114? I could supply a year's worth of water to 442,114 Africans. I could buy 294,743 giant-size slurpees. Hell, you could probably get a low-quality snuff film made for that amount of money. The possibilities are near endless. I'd probably end up blowing it on something worthless though... like paying off debt or 14 masters degrees.

Asians Don't Get It.

I'm not sure the Asian understands America. This country battles an inferiority complex that would stun a mastadon. The goal in each of our lives is two-fold:

1. Keep my head low enough that nobody notices my shortcomings and failures.
2. Always be on the lookout for everyone else's shortcomings and failures, in case they notice mine, so that I can use these as necessary to save face.

Grade school is the worst. I don't know how many insulting nicknames were hurled my way and I have a normal, American name. You know exactly what little Nick Mycock experienced. (Yes, real guy.) But can you imagine going to school for 13 years with a name describing a phallus? How many times do you think this guy's been called "Short", "No" or "Sideways" in his life? I remember going through the phone book in elementary school and relentlessly prank calling Phuc Yu, Hung Nguyen and Hsiu Mei. There's a judge down in New Zealand trying to single-handedly correct this societal injustice, but he's got a hopelessly long way to go. I think he'd have better luck getting up on the back of his couch, jumping off and trying to fly, than curing this epidemic. I guess it's great that these idiots are out there. I need somebody to keep the attention off me.

Karma is ALWAYS Feminine

Dear sir or madam,

I am blown away by the fact that you stole my technical running shirt and skullcap from me this morning. I realize that I didn't do a very good job of hiding it. I carelessly tossed them under my drivers side tire after my 15 mile run. I suppose you absconded with them not too shortly after that, because I walked about 200 yards away on the other side of the bath house to get some water, chat with some folks and stretch a bit. I was probably away from my car for about 20 minutes, leaving you ample time to plot your crime and get away route. And I am quite impressed by the boldness of your actions, as there were people everywhere in that area. I also must applaud your ability to start your criminal activities at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday. You don't see alot of ambitious, early risers in the petty theft crowd. And the fact that you took my nasty, sweaty shirt and skullcap tells me alot about your present situation in life. Heck, I'd have given them to you if you had really need them. I might even have loaned you a couple bucks if you'd have asked nicely. Despite the fact that my car was locked up, I do appreciate the fact that you didn't do anything to it.

All in all, it was actually a good laugh for me. You obviously needed that shirt and skullcap more than me. I hope they don't chafe you. And for the love of God, DON'T put them in the dryer! Oh, karma will rear her ugly head if you mishandle those garments. At any rate, best of luck with your new clothes, and perhaps the perspiration on them will inspire you to take up running and maybe even join a marathon training program. If you do, can I borrow your skullcap?

Your Fantasy First Round

I've been dying for Yahoo! to open their leagues since finally winning the championship in my most competitive league last year. I'm more than a bit of nerd when it comes to fantasy football. Last year I ranked 200 players, including some defenders. It took the better part of a month, but paid nice dividends. If you want some pedigree, here are my finishes in the last 4 seasons:

2007-1st
2007-2nd
2006-2nd
2006-3rd
2005-3rd
2005-4th
2004-2nd
2004-2nd

With that out of the way, the following is my initial first round mock draft, assuming a 10 player league. Enjoy:

1. LaDainian Tomlinson
A picture of consistency. I value players based on how consistently they put up the same numbers. A homerun hitter is nice, but I would much rather be able to count on 15 points every week than worry about a goose egg in the lineup. LT is the master, only missing 1 game in his career. He turns 29 today, so next year I will be looking at a younger guy for the 1st overall pick.

2. Adrian Peterson
AP's 2007 numbers are hard to ignore. He had the most explosive rookie season ever. There is a great chance that he will be the #1 RB when this season is said and done. There's an equally great chance that he's injured in week 3. Personally, I'd love to have a guy like this on my team, but I hate having so much risk attached to the #2 pick of the draft. If your league's free agency is shallow, handcuff Chester Taylor in round 6 or 7.

3. Steven Jackson
Jackson had a tough time last year. Orlando Pace and Marc Bulger were both hurt, which is pretty bad, but so many other O-linemen got hurt that I think they were starting my brother at center by the end of the year. Look for Steven Jackson to rebound this year. Losing Isaac Bruce won't affect his production at all.

4. Brian Westbrook
You probably read his name and think "injury-prone". Believe it or not, he's strung together a couple of healthy seasons. Westbrook's all-purpose yardage makes him tremendously valuable. If you're in a league with point-per-reception, he might be unparalleled. Draft him and don't look back.

5. Joseph Addai
Honestly, Addai let me down a little bit last year. I thought he was poised to have a bigger season. His TD's increased, but his numbers were mostly the same otherwise. Perhaps this was partially a result of losing Marvin Harrison. I don't know. I like his odds again this year despite the signing of Dominic Rhodes, who will not be as big a factor as he was during their Super Bowl year.

6. Tom Brady
If you're the guy in this position, don't take Brady. The point discrepancy between QB's in most leagues is not large enough to merit a 1st round selection. You'd rather be the guy with top-notch RB's and WR's and then draft a Palmer, Anderson or Bulger in later rounds. Somebody is going to look at Brady's outrageous numbers from last year and take him high though. Maybe higher than this. Let them do it.

7. Randy Moss
On average, one WR goes in the 1st round of every draft. This year it's Moss. It's hard to argue with the selection, but I'd rather try to wait and take a guy who isn't known to have hamstring problems.

8. Peyton Manning
Peyton is Mr. Consistent at the QB position. See my comments above on QB's, but look for Manning to have another good year. If Marvin Harrison can stay healthy, and out of jail, look for Manning's numbers to increase. It also helps that Anthony Gonzalez has a year under the belt.

9. Larry Johnson
This could go two ways. The Chiefs hope to start 10 of their 12 rookies, including an O-lineman, so that should tell you something about the quality of their team. Johnson could very well have a nice comeback from his piss-poor 2007, but since I don't like the guy I'd rather predict that he somehow loses the job to Jamaal Charles. Regardless, getting a 2007, consensus top 3 pick in the 9 spot is not a bad deal.

10. Marion Barber
I was a little unsure here, but I think Barber gets the nod. The Cowboys are the best they've been in years and Marion the Barbarion is the TD machine in this offense. He probably won't put up considerably more yardage than last year, but his touches and touchdowns should be enough to make him worth drafting 10th.

The Straight Strike Back

During a time when heterosexuals everywhere feel the most threatened by the gay, we get this good news from some doctor with a very unfortunate name:

The world will not see a global pandemic.

That's the word from Dr. Kevin De Cock, who heads the World Health Organization's AIDS department. At a United Nations AIDS meeting earlier this month in New York, he confirmed that outside of sub-Saharan Africa, AIDS will not become general in Russia, China or anywhere in the global heterosexual population.

Yet the risk does remain high among gay men, IV drug users, prostitutes and heterosexuals in sub-Saharan Africa.

Why there and not elsewhere? It apparently has to do with cultural practices – especially having multiple concurrent sexual partners – and widespread herpes infections, which cause open sores that help transmit HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

Clearly, America is in the clear. If there's one thing we stand for in this country, it's the monogamy of heterosexual marriage; not the polygamy of all these homosexual unions. Some might point to the divorce rate in trying to dispute this. I say, however, that it's only a reinforcement. We care so passionately about monogamy that we are willing to go through legal action to avoid having concurrent partners.

A Bad Day for Rihanna

I know the white, middle-class male does not care about soccer. You probably rate your sports something like this:

1a. Football (either Pro or College)
1b. Football (the other one)
2. Basketball
3. Baseball
4. Hockey
5. Golf
6. Nascar
7. MMA
8. Women's Sand Volleyball
9. Olympic Games
10. Soccer of any kind.

However, I do know that there are a couple common factors that cause most of you to rank sports in this way. Lots of scoring (or threats to score) and the athletic, black man. Thusly, I find it appropriate to comment on yesterday's 8-0, American drubbing of Barbados.

I was a little nervous right up until kickoff. Looking at 11 athletic, black men on the other side of the field is a little intimidating. Clint Dempsey took care of those worries, though, by scoring the fastest goal in World Cup Qualifier history (53 seconds). It's incredible that a country about the size of Corpus Christi, TX can field a soccer team to line up across from us. We're not, historically, a soccer powerhouse or anything, but we did enter the last World Cup ranked in the top 10.

Poor Barbados. By the end of this fiasco their defense seemed to have totally given up. Scoring goals on themselves, standing around yelling at each other while Landon Donovan takes a free kick right into an open net and even letting Brian Ching get in on the action. Trust me, nobody named Ching has ever been a soccer god. This game was the biggest blowout in the US men's national team history. At one point the announcers said that Barbados "would be happy" to leave the game with a mere 3-0 loss. I originally scoffed at this notion, but if you'd told them the 3-0 loss was taking the place of an 8-0 humiliation, I bet they'd have signed whatever papers you shoved in front of them.

Watch the highlights here. Let's face it, that's all any of you care about anyway.

Something's Fine with the Bump & Grind?

Well it looks like I was right. Authorities had six years to build a case against this guy. Fourteen counts of child porn and not one guilty verdict. How do celebrities pull this off? I mean, things are not looking good when the defendent is saying, "that ain't me" and the recipient of his infamous golden shower is in agreement... but I guess I always thought that this thing took so long to go to court because they were trying to build an iron-clad case against him.

Guess not.

If there's a lesson to be learned here, it's probably that lawyers are worth their salaries. It makes me sick to say that since I feel like our country's costs for everything are inflated by 33-50% to cover litigation costs... but if you've got enough money, lawyers can do anything you want. The mob has got nothing on lawyers. I've made it a life philosophy to surround myself with lawyers. Combine these friendships with the large sum of money I'm entitled to as an American and I'm practically invincible.

Step Into My Square

20

The graphic above is pretty impressive, but you need to add 7 more 5 year olds before you reach the number that I could take on. Make no mistake... I'm not a warrior, I just know how to survive.

Something's Wrong with the Bump & Grind

R. Kelly's trial began this week... SIX YEARS and three months after the related sex tape was sent to the Chicago Sun-Times. I have no idea what the cops have been doing in that time. Maybe they needed that time to make copies of each of his previous works for everyone in the office to review and compare. After all, R.'s thought to have videos out there with at least two underage girls, Gary Sheffield's gospel-singing wife, one of his dancers and half a Brownie troop from Indiana.

With all the smoke around this guy, you've got to know the fire's out of control. His first accusation was in 1991. Normally I'd say that we need to let the law decide if the guy's guilty, (I still maintain OJ's innocence) but when you've married 2 underaged singers, 3 underaged girls accuse you of rape, you're charged with 7 counts of videotaping sex with a minor, 12 counts of possession of child porn and 21 counts of soliciting a minor for child porn, I think you've exhausted your right to be presumed innocent.

I don't know how he's going to get out of this, but he will. Famous people with active followings never do any real time. His defense is apparently taking the position that his head was "digitally imposed on the body of the man". Look dude, we've all seen the South Park movie. Just sticking a cropped picture of R. Kelly's face on top of some dude's humping body is not going to look very realistic or convincing.

And who drew the picture at the top of this post? I love the way we have generic black man watching a sex tape of himself, but yet he doesn't look anything like the generic black man on the tv screen. Did we pay an artist to sit in the courtroom with his prismacolors all day? That's where I want more of my tax dollars spent.